According to a 2014 study, heart attacks increase on the first Monday of Daylight Saving Time. Specifically, they increase 24 percent compared with the daily average for the surrounding weeks.
Anything else that contributed to a 24-percent increase in heart attacks would be banned. Wouldn’t it? At the very least, this warrants a warning label.
And, while we’re slapping labels on Daylight Saving Time Monday, here are a few more that apply.
Warning: Drowsiness will almost certainly occur throughout the day, as may random tetchiness.
Warning: Complaints that it is not yet time to get up will be greater both in number and in volume than on other days.
Warning: Enticing children from their beds will demand extra effort. Bribery may alleviate this challenge.
Warning: Attempts of breakfast will prove fruitless, because who is hungry when, according to one’s body, it is not yet 6:00 in the morning? Nobody. Bribery will not alleviate this challenge.
Warning: You will abandon any ideals of your children consuming even a few bites of the most important meal of the day.
Warning: Unbreakfasted children will likely experience sudden-onset hunger on the way to school.
Warning: The light that you enjoyed last week on your morning commute will be no more, and you will drive once again in darkness. Resentment will ensue.
Warning: You may experience cynicism over the misnomer that is Daylight Saving Time. You may dedicate time to privately and more accurately renaming the phenomenon: “Daylight Reshuffling Time.” “Sleep Thief.” “Let’s-Change-Our-Clocks-to-Give-Ourselves-the-Illusion-of-Control-Over-the-Sun-and-Over-Time Day.”
Warning: Bedtime will involve a mutinous onslaught of protests regarding retiring for the night before it is yet dark.
Warning: Nobody with whom you converse about the subject will be able to explain the rationale behind Daylight Saving Time to your satisfaction. Suspicion will rest heavily upon you.
May tomorrow be less tetchy than today. Sleep well–even if it is not yet dark.