Last month I happened upon an article with the approximate title of “Twenty Parenting Hacks That Will Make Your Life Simpler.” Ever seeking a simpler life, I plunged in.
Hack #1: “Wash Legos in a laundry bag in the washing machine.” (Because evidently Legos should be washed once a week. Who gets to decide these things?) My admiration for whomever had come up with this ingenious (although undoubtedly noisy) method to purify Legos was overshadowed by a burning question: How is washing Legos in a laundry bag simpler than not washing Legos, which is what I do now?
I did not finish the article.
December brought an onslaught of other not-simple ideas masquerading as simple. “Thirty Hassle-Free Elf on the Shelf Ideas! Each simple idea takes less than five minutes to set up.” Wouldn’t leaving the Elf on the Shelf on the shelf, per his moniker, be even more hassle-free—if one doesn’t bar him from one’s home entirely, which, let’s face it, is the most hassle-free approach of all? Many families enjoy Elf on the Shelf, but let’s not pretend that having to pose that creature every evening lends simplicity to one’s season.
Nor does twisting napkins into Christmas tree shapes, suggested as a “simple” way to set one’s table. Festive? Yes. Simpler than a folding a napkin into a rectangle? No. Same goes for the six “simple” ways to decorate one’s car for Christmas. Really? Decorate my car? Hanging ornaments from the rear-view mirror is not complicated, but whoever decided that cars should be decorated was not thinking simply.
Still, I have found a few ways to keep the Christmas season a little simpler. Here are a few of my attempts.
(Note: It may seem that one or two of these endeavors are driven more by laziness or incompetence than by a noble quest for simplicity. Let’s just blur those lines, shall we? Potato, potahto . . .)
- Believed that Sonny was already booked on the morning of the Christmas recital and therefore did not sign him up to participate. Was wrong about him being booked, a discovery that came too late for the sign-up deadline. Not preparing for a recital during an already busy season: simpler than preparing for a recital.
- Tried a new recipe wherein “Batter may be soft” was a shameless understatement. Poured the batter into a 9×13 pan and offered it to the oven. Renovating would-be cookies into (mediocre) bars: simpler than making a new batch of cookies.
- Resisted the fleeting urge to rearrange the ornaments after the tree decorating session. Yes, five of the six striped glass bulbs are clumped up together, nearly touching each other, instead of spaced evenly around the branches. Yes, the Nutcracker and the straw angel are both facing the tree trunk. But so what? The kids who decorated this tree are convinced it is “the best tree EVER, and perfect.” Besides, in a few years Sonny and Ace will decorate the tree more conventionally, or they won’t want to help decorate it at all, and I will feel nostalgic. Letting the decorators’ style remain: simpler than trying to refine the tree.
- Accepted Ace’s offer to wrap presents. The result, many meters of tape later, is a pile of gifts that look like a five-year-old wrapped them. Martha Stewart would recoil and avert her eyes, but the recipients won’t mind. And the five-year-old is proud of having helped. Allowing a volunteer to wrap the presents: easier than doing it oneself (assuming an ample supply of tape).
- Avoid irritating “Christmas” songs. Yes, music is a matter of taste, so I won’t specify any titles, but some of these songs are plain creepy (cough“BabyIt’sColdOutside”cough). At least one is a carol of self pity that has nothing to do with the Christmas season itself (“Last Christmas,” I’m looking at you.) And have you ever suffered through an hours-long earworm of “Wonderful Christmastime,” a song that is annoying even on its first pass through your head? So if you encounter a woman with her hands over her ears humming loudly to drown out the loudspeaker’s rendition of “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,” that woman might be me. Listening to meaningful music or just enjoying the silence: simpler (among other things) than suffering through “Santa Baby” and its ilk.
- Trying to remember that Christmas will preval despite missed recitals, imperfect food, ideal plans (as defined by me) going awry, and too-high expectations of myself and others. It will triumph despite unmet goals and hangry kids . . . and cranky grownups. It will go on despite commercialism. These things are not what Christmas is all about. And I’m so glad.
Love! 🙂 🙂
And giggling! 🙂
Thank you! 😀
Love it 🙂
Thank you! Just stopped by at your blog and love it–you are very talented!
thanks! Realised today that a significant portion of the lego in our box is around 35 years old… and I bet no-one has ever washed it… ho hum
LOVE this! I am all for simplifying Christmas, and life in general. (And I admit, it has never even crossed my mind that I should wash Lego?!)
So far nobody else has chimed in to admit washing Legos, either. I’m hoping that that recommendation rule is for daycares and preschools and such, because if I’m missing the boat on yet another household chore, I don’t want to know about it! 😀
I like the way you think. And I would lay a pretty hefty bet that no parent EVER washed a Lego.
About how creepy “Baby it’s Cold Outside” Is: One time our family somehow came across an old video of that song’s debut, on some variety show in the 60’s. It was sung by two men and a woman, and the scenario was that she was alone in an apartment with them and trying to leave but they wouldn’t let her. Totally gross. My son calls it “The Date Rape Christmas Song.”
Thank you! Agreed that nobody ever washed a Lego without a verrrrrry urgent, immediate reason!
That’s a fitting title for that song. Ugh! Scary about the video . . . not the message anyone needs at any time of year.
I see we have freakishly similar ideas about Christmas…and simplicity.
The only reason to wash a Lego in this house? If someone barfed on it. 😉
Ha! That sounds reasonable! 🙂
So funny. I never knew you were meant to wash Lego. We must have enough germs stored up to start a plague with ours. Thanks for following ZimmerBitch and introducing me to your blog.
I still maintain that we were not meant to wash Legos. I think that not washing them builds up immunity. 🙂
Thanks for reading!
I remember reading that excess cleaning awas bad for children’s immunity around about the time my son was born. I’ve been nurturing his immune system ever since 🙂